Tired of Saying Yes? How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
“I’d Do Anything to Keep the Peace… But Would You Do This Instead?”
By: Suki O Huallachain, MA, CCC | Port Coquitlam
"Sure, I’ll stay late at work."
"Of course, I’ll host dinner it’s fine."
"Yeah, I can watch your kids, don’t worry about it."
Sound familiar?
Many women, especially those balancing careers, relationships, family, and caregiving find themselves saying yes to almost everything. You want to keep the peace. You don’t want to let anyone down. You want to be the dependable one, the person others can count on.
But here’s the problem: every time you say yes when you really mean no, you give away a little piece of yourself. Over time, this leaves you feeling resentful, burned out, and even invisible. Many women feel guilty when they try to set boundaries. If you’ve ever struggled to tell the difference between healthy guilt and toxic shame, this blog post on guilt vs. shame may help.
Here’s the question to reflect on:
If you’d do anything to keep peace in your relationships, would you be willing to set a boundary to actually protect your peace?
Key Takeaways About Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t selfish — they’re essential for healthy relationships.
Saying no is honest — it protects your energy and avoids hidden resentment.
Reactions are normal — people may resist your boundaries at first.
Clear communication builds trust — honesty strengthens closeness.
Boundaries evolve — your needs change, and so will your limits.
Why Boundaries Matter in Relationships
Boundaries are not about shutting people out or being unkind. They are about creating space for your needs, your energy, and your peace of mind. Research shows that setting boundaries is one of the most effective ways to lower stress and prevent burnout. The Canadian Mental Health Association also highlights how emotional well-being improves when people learn to protect their limits. Similarly, the American Psychological Association emphasizes that boundaries are a key part of healthy relationships.
Boundaries show others how to respect you.
When you say yes to things you don’t actually want, people assume it’s fine. Boundaries help others understand what feels respectful.Boundaries protect you from burnout.
Agreeing to every work project, family request, or last minute favor leaves you drained. Boundaries give you the rest you need to recharge. Without them, the stress builds up in your body and mind, sometimes showing up as tension or exhaustion. (We talk more about this in our blog on how shame affects the body).Boundaries strengthen relationships.
People-pleasing can look like closeness, but it’s not honesty. Boundaries create real trust because you’re showing up as your full self.
How to Start Practicing Boundaries
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’ve spent years avoiding conflict. But they don’t need to be harsh. Boundaries can be clear, kind, and calm.
Pause before answering. Instead of automatically saying yes, try: “Let me think about it and get back to you.”
Use “I” statements. Example: “I can’t stay late tonight. I need to rest so I can focus tomorrow.”
Keep it simple. No long speeches needed. Short and clear is enough.
Expect mixed reactions. People may be surprised if you’ve always been the “yes” person. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
Real Life Examples of Boundaries
At work: “I’m not able to take on another project right now. If this one is the priority, I’ll need to shift deadlines on the others.”
With family: “I’ll come to dinner on Sunday, but I’ll need to leave by 8pm to prepare for the week.”
With friends: “I’d love to see you, but tonight I need downtime. Can we plan for Saturday instead?”
These boundaries are not dramatic confrontations, they are simple, respectful statements of what you can and cannot do.
FAQs About Boundaries
What if I lose relationships because I set boundaries?
Some people ask, “What if I lose relationships when I set boundaries?” If someone only values you when you give without limits, the relationship may shift. But often, healthy boundaries actually deepen respect and connection over time.
Is saying no selfish?
Many women ask, “Is saying no selfish?” The answer is no. Saying no is not selfish, it’s honest. Protecting your energy allows you to show up with real care, instead of hidden resentment.
What if someone gets upset when I set a boundary?
It’s common to wonder, “What if they get upset when I set a boundary?” The truth is, people may react strongly at first, especially if they’ve benefitted from your lack of limits. Their upset doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It means the relationship dynamic is shifting.
Can boundaries change over time?
Yes. If you’re asking, “Can boundaries change over time? the answer is absolutely. Boundaries are flexible. What you need now may not be what you need six months from now.
Does setting a boundary mean I’m pushing people away?
Many women fear, “Does setting a boundary mean I’m pushing people away?” The opposite is true. Boundaries protect closeness by ensuring your relationships are built on honesty, not obligation.
How can I work on setting boundaries?
If you’ve been nodding along as you read this, you’re not alone. Many women feel trapped in people-pleasing, perfectionism, and the fear of conflict. Boundaries can feel scary, but with support, they become easier to practice.
At Serenity Counselling, we help women who are struggling with anxiety, burnout, and people-pleasing to set boundaries and show up more confidently in their relationships. You don’t have to do this on your own—we’re here to help.
📞 Book a free consultation with Serenity Counselling in Port Coquitlam today. Let’s work together to help you set boundaries, reduce burnout, and create relationships where you can feel at peace.
About Serenity Counselling in Port Coquitlam
Serenity Counselling is located in Port Coquitlam, BC, and we specialize in helping women , especially BIPOC women, find relief from anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. At Serenity Counselling, we use approaches like EMDR therapy to help process these deeper wounds. Boundaries aren’t only about words, they’re also about how your body reacts when you’re overwhelmed. Brainspotting therapy helps uncover those hidden stress responses so you can feel more in control.
If you’re looking for counselling in Port Coquitlam or nearby areas, we’re here to support you. Together, we can work on boundary-setting, reducing stress, and building the confidence to live unapologetically as yourself.
