Self-Esteem Therapy in Port Coquitlam

What Low Self-Esteem Actually Feels Like

Emotionally:

• Constant comparison – scrolling social media (even local Tri-Cities community groups) and feeling like everyone else has it “figured out.”

• Over-apologizing for existing – “Sorry for talking too much” – even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

• Fear of rejection holding you back from applying for that job, joining a Port Moody running club, or asking for what you need.

Physically:

• Slouching to avoid attention, avoiding eye contact at Coquitlam Centre, or feeling like your body “takes up too much space.”

• Exhaustion from overthinking every conversation – “Did I sound stupid?”

• Clenching your jaw or shoulders, bracing for criticism that never comes.

Behaviorally:

• Saying “yes” to things you hate (toxic friendships, extra workloads) to avoid conflict.

• Downplaying achievements – “Oh, it was nothing” – when someone compliments you.

• Sabotaging opportunities because “I’ll probably fail anyway.”

  Imagine…

  • Walking into a room at work or an event, knowing your worth isn’t up for debate.

  • Trusting your decisions without second-guessing every choice.

  • Speaking your mind without rehearsing sentences in the car first.

  • Looking in the mirror and thinking, “Yeah, I’m okay,” – and meaning it.

Read More: Navigating the Journey from Shame to Self-Worth

Are You Ready to Move Past These Symptoms?

You deserve to feel confident and empowered in your skin. At Serenity Counselling, we help you challenge negative beliefs, build self-compassion, and step into your full potential.

Ready to take the first step?—Book a free consultation.

How Somatic Therapy & EMDR Help You Rebuild from the Inside Out

Release Stored Shame (Somatic Therapy)
Low self-esteem isn’t just “in your head.” Your body remembers every time you stifled your voice or shrank to avoid attention. Somatic therapy helps you:

• Notice where shame “lives” physically – tight shoulders, a sunken chest, nausea.

• Use breathwork, grounding, or gentle movement to release tension and reclaim a sense of safety in your body.

• Shift from “I’m broken” to “I’m here, and I’m safe” by reconnecting with your body’s wisdom.

Rewire Your Nervous System
When self-criticism feels automatic (“Of course I messed up”), it’s often a trauma response stuck in your body. Somatic practices help you:

• Pause and feel the urge to people-please or over-apologize – then choose a new response.

• Build “body confidence” by standing taller, making eye contact at Port Coquitlam’s Farmers Market, or speaking in a steadier voice.

• Create new neural pathways that associate self-trust with calm, not fear.

Set Boundaries Anchored in Your Body
Saying “no” often triggers guilt or panic. Somatic therapy teaches you to:

• Recognize physical signs of boundary violations (racing heart, stomach knots).

• Use grounding techniques to stay present when asserting needs, like feeling your feet on the floor during a tough conversation.

• Practice empowered postures that signal self-respect to others (and your nervous system).

Celebrate Wins with Full-Body Pride
Instead of brushing off victories, somatic exercises help you embody pride:

• After speaking up at work, place a hand on your heart and take three deep breaths to savour the moment.

• After wearing an outfit that feels authentic to you at the Port Coquitlam café, notice how confidence feels in your muscles, posture, and breath.

Read More: How EMDR Can Quiet the “I have to be perfect“ Voice

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

How do I know if I have low self-esteem or if I'm just being hard on myself?

You can tell if you have low self-esteem versus just being hard on yourself by looking at how often those critical thoughts show up and how much they control your choices. If you have low self-esteem, that inner critic is probably running the show most of the time, making you avoid opportunities, say sorry for everything, or hide who you really are. When you're just being hard on yourself occasionally, it doesn't usually stop you from living your life. But low self-esteem makes you question your worth constantly and keeps you small.

What's the difference between low confidence and low self-esteem?

The difference between low confidence and low self-esteem is that confidence is about believing in your abilities, while self-esteem is about believing you're worthy as a person. You might have low confidence about public speaking but still feel good about yourself overall. But when you have low self-esteem, you question whether you deserve good things - love, success, happiness , no matter how capable you are. Low confidence says "I can't do this," while low self-esteem says "I don't deserve this."

Will self-esteem counselling actually help me feel better about myself?

Yes, self-esteem counselling will help you feel better about yourself, even though that voice in your head might be saying "nothing will work for me." When people ask "will self-esteem counselling help me feel better," I understand that doubt - low self-esteem makes it hard to believe you can change. But in self-esteem counselling, you'll learn to challenge those "I'm not good enough" thoughts and discover where they actually came from. Most people start feeling a bit more compassionate toward themselves within a few weeks.

Can self-esteem counselling help me stop people-pleasing?

Absolutely! Self-esteem counselling can definitely help you stop people-pleasing. When you struggle to stop people-pleasing, it's usually because you're worried that saying "no" means people won't like you anymore. But people-pleasing actually comes from low self-esteem - believing you have to earn love by being "easy" or "agreeable." In self-esteem counselling, we'll work on believing you're worthy of love just as you are, which makes it easier to set boundaries without feeling guilty.

Is it normal for low self-esteem to make me avoid trying new things?

Yes, it's completely normal for low self-esteem to make you avoid trying new things, that's one of the most common ways it shows up. When low self-esteem makes you avoid new things, it's because that inner critic is already predicting you'll fail or embarrass yourself. Low self-esteem tricks you into thinking it's safer to stay small than risk being "not good enough" at something new. In self-esteem counselling, we'll work on quieting that fear so you can take chances and discover what you're actually capable of.

What if I'm too ashamed to talk about my self-esteem problems?

If you're too ashamed to talk about your self-esteem problems, that shame is actually part of what we'll work on in therapy. When you feel too ashamed about self-esteem problems, it's usually because you think you "should" have figured this out by now or that needing help makes you weak. But here's the thing, struggling with self-worth is incredibly common, and there's nothing shameful about it. Self-esteem counselling is a judgment-free space where we can explore that shame together and help it feel less heavy.

Can self-esteem counselling help me stop comparing myself to others?

Yes, self-esteem counselling can help you stop comparing yourself to others constantly. When you can't stop comparing yourself to others, it's usually because you're looking for proof of your worth outside yourself. But self-esteem counselling teaches you that your value doesn't come from being "better than" someone else - you're worthy just because you exist. We'll work on noticing when you're comparing yourself to others and learning to redirect that energy into appreciating your own unique qualities.

What is somatic therapy and how does somatic therapy help with self-esteem?

Somatic therapy focuses on how your body holds feelings and memories, and somatic therapy helps with self-esteem by teaching you to notice how shame and self-criticism actually feel in your body. When people ask "what is somatic therapy," I explain that it's about paying attention to things like tight shoulders when you're being hard on yourself, or how your chest feels when someone compliments you. Somatic therapy for self-esteem helps you release that physical tension and learn to stand taller, literally and figuratively.

What is EMDR and can EMDR help with low self-esteem?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, and yes, EMDR can help with low self-esteem, especially when those feelings come from specific experiences that made you feel "not enough." When people ask "what is EMDR for self-esteem," I explain it as a way to help your brain process those memories that created the "I'm not good enough" belief. EMDR for low self-esteem works by helping you reprocess experiences like being bullied, criticized, or rejected so they don't keep telling you lies about your worth.

Does EMDR for self-esteem bring up painful memories about myself?

EMDR for self-esteem can bring up memories, but it's designed to help those painful thoughts about yourself feel less intense, not worse. When people worry "does EMDR bring up painful memories," I understand that concern because low self-esteem already makes everything feel vulnerable. During EMDR for self-esteem, we work with those memories that created beliefs like "I'm not smart enough" or "I'm too much," but in a way that helps you see them differently. You stay in control the whole time, and most people find that EMDR helps those old experiences feel less powerful and more like "that happened to me" rather than "that's who I am."

How can I find a therapist who understands confidence issues women face?
Look for therapists who work with women and understand the extra pressure women feel to be perfect, look a certain way, or make everyone else happy. It's also helpful to find someone who gets your background and how your family or culture might affect your confidence. Therapists like Zahra Lakhdhir and Suki O'Huallachain create a safe space where you can work on feeling better about yourself without judgment.