Self-Esteem Therapy in Port Coquitlam
A Clinical Definition of Self-Esteem & Confidence
Self-esteem is how you perceive your worth, while confidence is your belief in your abilities. Low self-esteem often stems from negative self-talk, past experiences, or societal pressures. It can hold you back from reaching your full potential in both personal and professional life.
Read More: How Shame Affects the Body
Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem & Confidence
Emotional: Feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, or shame.
Behavioural: Avoiding challenges, people-pleasing, or procrastinating.
Cognitive: Negative self-talk or comparing yourself to others.
How Low Self-Esteem Can Show Up in Your Life
Low self-esteem can quietly hold you back, showing up as:
Staying in a job or relationship that doesn’t fulfill you because you don’t believe you deserve better.
Avoiding opportunities for growth because you’re afraid of failure.
Constantly seeking validation from others instead of trusting yourself.
Feeling like you’re not “enough,” no matter what you achieve.
What Low Self-Esteem Actually Feels Like
Emotionally:
Constant comparison – scrolling social media (even local Tri-Cities community groups) and feeling like everyone else has it “figured out.”
Over-apologizing for existing – “Sorry for talking too much” – even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
Fear of rejection holding you back from applying for that job, joining a Port Moody running club, or asking for what you need.
Physically:
Slouching to avoid attention, avoiding eye contact at Coquitlam Centre, or feeling like your body “takes up too much space.”
Exhaustion from overthinking every conversation – “Did I sound stupid?”
Clenching your jaw or shoulders, bracing for criticism that never comes.
Behaviorally:
Saying “yes” to things you hate (toxic friendships, extra workloads) to avoid conflict.
Downplaying achievements – “Oh, it was nothing” – when someone compliments you.
Sabotaging opportunities because “I’ll probably fail anyway.”
Imagine…
Walking into a room at work or an event, knowing your worth isn’t up for debate.
Trusting your decisions without second-guessing every choice.
Speaking your mind without rehearsing sentences in the car first.
Looking in the mirror and thinking, “Yeah, I’m okay,” – and meaning it.
Are You Ready to Move Past These Symptoms?
You deserve to feel confident and empowered in your skin. At Serenity Counselling, we help you challenge negative beliefs, build self-compassion, and step into your full potential.
Ready to take the first step?—Book a free consultation.
How Somatic Therapy & EMDR Help You Rebuild from the Inside Out
Release Stored Shame (Somatic Therapy)
Low self-esteem isn’t just “in your head.” Your body remembers every time you stifled your voice or shrank to avoid attention. Somatic therapy helps you:
Notice where shame “lives” physically – tight shoulders, a sunken chest, nausea.
Use breathwork, grounding, or gentle movement to release tension and reclaim a sense of safety in your body.
Shift from “I’m broken” to “I’m here, and I’m safe” by reconnecting with your body’s wisdom.
Rewire Your Nervous System
When self-criticism feels automatic (“Of course I messed up”), it’s often a trauma response stuck in your body. Somatic practices help you:
Pause and feel the urge to people-please or over-apologize – then choose a new response.
Build “body confidence” by standing taller, making eye contact at Port Coquitlam’s Farmers Market, or speaking in a steadier voice.
Create new neural pathways that associate self-trust with calm, not fear.
Set Boundaries Anchored in Your Body
Saying “no” often triggers guilt or panic. Somatic therapy teaches you to:
Recognize physical signs of boundary violations (racing heart, stomach knots).
Use grounding techniques to stay present when asserting needs, like feeling your feet on the floor during a tough conversation.
Practice empowered postures that signal self-respect to others (and your nervous system).
Celebrate Wins with Full-Body Pride
Instead of brushing off victories, somatic exercises help you embody pride:
After speaking up at work, place a hand on your heart and take three deep breaths to savour the moment.
After wearing an outfit that feels authentic to you at the Port Coquitlam café, notice how confidence feels in your muscles, posture, and breath.
Read More: How EMDR Can Quiet the “I have to be perfect“ Voice
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I stop being so insecure?
A: Insecurity usually comes from believing the mean voice in your head that says you're not good enough. Therapy can help you understand where these thoughts come from and teach you how to soften or quiet the voice. You'll learn to notice when you're being too hard on yourself and practice being kinder to yourself instead. It takes time, but you can definitely change how you think about yourself.
Q: Why do I have low self-esteem?
A: Low self-esteem can come from many things , maybe you grew up hearing criticism more than praise, experienced bullying, or felt pressure to be perfect from your family or culture. Sometimes it's from comparing yourself to others on social media, or from people treating you badly in past relationships. The good news is that no matter where it came from, you can work on building better self-esteem.
Q: How can I be more confident?
A: Building confidence starts with small steps. You can practice speaking up in low-risk situations, celebrate your wins (even tiny ones), and challenge yourself to try new things. Therapy can help you figure out what's holding you back and teach you tools to feel more sure of yourself. You'll also learn to trust your own opinions and stop needing everyone else's approval all the time.
Q: How do I stop caring what other people think?
A: This is one of the hardest things to change, but it's possible! It usually starts with understanding why you care so much, maybe you learned as a kid that love came with conditions, or your culture puts a lot of pressure on what others think. Therapy can help you separate your worth from other people's opinions and build confidence from the inside out instead of looking for it from others.
Q: How can I find a therapist who understands confidence issues women face?
A: Look for therapists who work with women and understand the extra pressure women feel to be perfect, look a certain way, or make everyone else happy. It's also helpful to find someone who gets your background and how your family or culture might affect your confidence. Therapists like Zahra Lakhdhir and Suki O'Huallachain create a safe space where you can work on feeling better about yourself without judgment.