Why Healing Feels Hard: Understanding Resistance in Therapy
By: Suki O Huallachain, MA, CCC | Port Coquitlam, BC
Key Points:
Healing can feel scary because it asks us to face emotions and change familiar patterns
Resistance is a natural part of the healing process
Small steps toward healing can create freedom, clarity, and less weight in your body and mind
Healing doesn’t erase your past; it gives you more choice and peace
Understanding your resistance can help you move forward safely and confidently
Why Healing Feels Scary and Hard to Start
It may seem strange, but sometimes we don’t actually want to heal. Even when life feels painful, part of us holds on to the familiar. This isn’t about being stubborn or “not trying hard enough.” It’s about your mind and body trying to keep you safe.
Healing asks us to face emotions we’ve been avoiding, to change patterns we’ve relied on, and to step into the unknown. That can feel overwhelming, even threatening. Familiar patterns, even when uncomfortable, can feel safer than growth because they are known.
But staying in what’s familiar can also feel heavy. Tension, stress, and emotional weight pile up over time. Healing isn’t about erasing your past, it’s about creating space to live more fully, with more choice, freedom, and peace.
Understanding Resistance: Why We Avoid Healing
One of the first steps in emotional healing is noticing resistance. That voice in your head saying “I’m not ready” or “I can’t handle this” is normal. Resistance is not failure, it’s a natural signal that change is happening.
Resistance often shows up as:
Procrastination or avoidance
Feeling anxious or tense when thinking about change
Self-doubt or fear of the unknown
When we treat resistance as part of the journey rather than a barrier, it becomes easier to work with. You might pause, notice the feeling, and simply say to yourself, “This is normal, it’s part of healing.” That small act of noticing creates space for choice rather than reaction.
The Benefits of Healing: Freedom, Clarity, and Peace
Even though the first steps feel scary, healing brings real benefits. People who have moved through resistance report:
Greater freedom and flexibility in how they respond to life
Increased clarity about what they want and need
Less weight and tension in their body and mind
It’s important to remember: progress doesn’t always look like a monumental breakthrough. Tiny shifts, like feeling lighter after a tough day or noticing a new sense of calm, are proof that your brain and body are learning new ways to cope and respond.
How to Overcome Resistance and Start Healing
Here are some practical ways to approach the fear of healing:
Notice your resistance without judgment
Simply acknowledging “I’m feeling hesitant” is a powerful first step.Start small
Healing doesn’t need to be dramatic. Even small choices, like taking a moment to breathe or journal, can create momentum.Seek safe spaces
Working with a therapist can help you process emotions without feeling overwhelmed. Therapies like EMDR or somatic approaches focus on creating safety while supporting change. You can learn more about these options on our EMDR therapy page or explore anxiety and stress support on our website.Use supportive resources
Trusted organizations can guide you through mental health challenges. For example, CAMH and the Canadian Mental Health Association offer helpful articles and tools to understand resistance and emotional processing.
Healing Is a Gradual Process: Small Steps Matter
Healing is not about erasing your story or pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about learning that you are capable of handling your emotions, making choices that feel right, and allowing yourself to experience life fully. Even when it feels uncomfortable, each step forward is meaningful.
Remember, growth is often gradual. The small steps, the pauses, reflections, and tiny adjustments, are what lead to lasting change. Your nervous system and mind are learning new patterns every day, even if you can’t always see the progress immediately.
FAQ About Emotional Healing & Therapy
Q: Why do I feel scared to heal even when I want to?
A: Feeling scared to heal even when you want to is a normal part of emotional healing. This resistance happens because your mind and body are trying to protect you from change. Noticing this fear is actually a sign that you are engaging with the healing process.
Q: How can I tell if I’m making progress in therapy?
A: You can tell if you’re making progress in therapy even when big breakthroughs aren’t happening. Small changes, like feeling calmer, noticing less tension, or responding differently to situations, are signs that your brain and body are learning new coping patterns.
Q: Will healing erase my past?
A: Healing will not erase your past. Instead, healing helps you live fully with more choice, freedom, and peace while keeping your experiences in context, so you can move forward without being weighed down by what happened.
Q: How can therapy help me overcome resistance?
A: Therapy can help you overcome resistance by providing a safe space to process emotions and face challenges gradually. Approaches like EMDR or somatic therapy support your nervous system, helping you feel safe while learning new coping patterns.
Take the First Step
If you notice resistance but want support moving through it, you don’t have to do it alone. Working with a compassionate therapist can help you create a safe path toward healing. Book a consultation today at Serenity Counselling BC and take the first step toward more freedom, clarity, and peace.
