Healing Shame in Therapy: How to Reclaim Self-Worth and Belonging
By: Suki O Huallachain, MA, CCC | Port Coquitlam, BC
Key Points:
Understanding how shame affects your thoughts, behaviours, and relationships
Healing shame through safe, compassionate spaces
Small steps in therapy help reclaim self-worth and belonging
Recognizing and addressing shame is essential for lasting mental health
Therapy approaches like EMDR and somatic therapy can support healing
Why Shame Holds Us Back
Imagine shame had a voice. It would whisper, “You don’t deserve to be seen.” That voice can be so convincing that you start hiding parts of yourself, shrinking in social situations, or avoiding opportunities for connection.
Shame is powerful because it affects more than just thoughts. It influences behaviour, relationships, and how you show up in the world. People who have worked through shame often describe it as something that makes you feel small, keeps you silent, and convinces you that you are broken.
The good news is that healing from shame is possible. It begins with understanding how shame operates and learning to bring it into the light.
What Shame Really Does: Understanding Its Impact
Shame is different from guilt. Guilt tells you that you did something wrong; shame tells you that you are wrong.
Shame can show up in your nervous system through:
Avoiding social interactions or withdrawing from loved ones
Over-apologizing or people-pleasing
Feeling “less than” compared to others
Hiding thoughts, feelings, or experiences
Recognizing these patterns is essential. The more you understand how shame operates, the easier it becomes to respond differently.
Why Healing Shame Requires a Safe and Compassionate Space
Healing shame is not about erasing the past. It’s about creating a safe space where your experiences are acknowledged without judgment.
When you share your story in a compassionate environment, shame begins to lose its grip. Therapy provides a structured, safe place to explore these feelings, process them, and gradually build a healthier relationship with yourself.
Resources like MindWell and CMHA Canada offer guidance and support for those navigating shame and self-worth issues.
How Therapy Helps Reduce Shame and Build Self-Worth
Therapy helps you:
Identify where shame is affecting your life
Understand the roots of these feelings
Develop tools to respond differently when shame arises
Strengthen your sense of self-worth and belonging
Approaches like EMDR and somatic therapy are particularly effective. EMDR helps your brain process experiences that contribute to shame, reducing their emotional intensity. Somatic therapy reconnects you with your body, helping release tension that shame may have caused.
Learn more on our EMDR therapy page or explore approaches to trauma healing on our trauma support page.
Recognizing Small Wins in Healing Shame
Healing shame is a gradual process. You may not notice dramatic changes right away, but small wins are crucial:
Speaking up when you would normally stay silent
Expressing your needs without over-apologizing
Feeling more comfortable in your body and social interactions
Reducing negative self-talk
These subtle shifts are evidence that your brain and nervous system are forming new, healthier patterns. Over time, they accumulate into lasting change.
Practical Steps to Address Shame in Daily Life
Name it: Recognize when shame is influencing your thoughts or actions.
Pause and breathe: Notice physical sensations and respond consciously.
Seek safe support: Share your experiences with a compassionate therapist or trusted person.
Challenge self-critical thoughts: Replace harsh judgments with realistic, kind reflections.
Celebrate small progress: Each choice that defies shame strengthens your self-worth.
FAQ About Shame and Therapy: How to Recognize and Heal
Q: How do I know if I am experiencing shame?
A: You might be experiencing shame if you feel like hiding, avoid being seen, or believe you are broken. Shame often shows up in behaviour and relationships, so noticing these patterns is key.
Q: Can shame be healed completely?
A: Healing shame is a gradual process. While you may not erase past experiences, therapy helps you reduce shame’s intensity and reclaim a stronger sense of self-worth.
Q: What types of therapy help with shame?
A: EMDR, somatic therapy, and trauma-focused counselling can help with shame. These approaches allow you to process experiences, reconnect with your body, and build healthier patterns.
Q: What if shame feels overwhelming?
A: If shame feels overwhelming, reach out to a compassionate therapist or support organization. Sharing your story in a safe space helps reduce shame’s power and allows you to reclaim belonging and worth.
Taking the Next Step: Reclaim Your Sense of Belonging
Shame can make you feel small or invisible, but healing is possible. Acknowledging your feelings, sharing your story safely, and working with a therapist can help you loosen shame’s grip.
At Serenity Counselling BC, we provide adults with a safe space to process shame, reclaim their self-worth, and learn to belong to themselves fully. You can explore our services and book a consultation to begin your healing journey today.
